Earlier this summer. I was somehow signed up for emails from the Trump Campaign. I didn’t mind — it is always useful to see what the enemy is saying.
Each of the emails — and I now have received 60 since 16th July when I started counting — is a request for money, a demand for money to save the country from the Socialist Hordes, a suggestion that giving money will have me meeting with the President or at least membership in something called the Trump Gold Card!
I receive all these emails because, as they write, I am one of Trump’s “most loyal supporters” and “as a most loyal Patriot.” Lara Trump wrote to me that as “one of his most loyal allies … he wants to use this time to discuss a few key campaign strategies” with me. On 21st July, my donation would gather an additional “600%” of matching funds. By the 30th, this had gone up to 700% plus entry into a draw for dinner with the President on 8th August.
On the 22nd July, I was told I had been “identified as one of the few Patriots who qualified for the Trump Donor Hall of Fame. This is a HUGE accomplishment, Jak. Congratulations!” And all that without donating a penny. For just $35, I would get a “limited edition Freedom 2020 hat.” And just a few days later I was described as |one of “the ones who have been there for me from the beginning and haven’t stopped since,” and I was therefore liable for immediate entry to the Trump Hall of Fame, for a small donation. For just $75, I would get a signed copy of Don jr’s new book Liberal Privilege.
The next day I was a offered “a once in a lifetime opportunity” to become a 2020 Trump Platinum member. For just $23, I could have “an Official Donald J. Trump Fine Point Marker – an exact replica of the pen” the Donald used to sign the executive order banning illegal aliens from the census count, and for $100 I could have a personalised photo of the President. They didn’t say if he would be using his Fine Point Marker to sign the photograph.
By 1st August I was getting confused because I had been offered membership in Trump Exclusive, Trump Gold Card, and Trump Platinum Card. Do I get all three, and a book and a hat and a pen and a signed photo? It is like Christmas! Not bad for someone who has and will donate nothing, who lives outside the USA, and who fills out the Trump surveys with what I REALLY feel about Trump. Hard to imagine what those suckers who actually send money have to endure.
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One last note, all the Trump emails have the same return address (firstname.lastname@example.org) but there are various names of the sender in the header. So far:
Donald J. Trump — 22 emails
DonaldJTrump.com — 8
Official Trump Campaign — 6
Donald Trump jr. — 4
Bill Stepien, and Meet President Trump — 3 each
Eric Trump, Lara Trump, and Trump Match Alert — 2 each
And one each from Kimberley Guilfoyle, Trump Finance, Mike Pence, Trump Gold Card, Trump Founding Member, Trump Hall of Fame, Trump Platinum Card, and Trump Executive Member.
I just need emails from Ivanka and Melania to complete my set!